fixing things (ryan)

[samantha marie mackenna]

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As soon as Sam logged off her computer after talking to Ryan in the chat room, she immediately wanted to cry. She felt like they had become so distant with each other and she hardly knew him anymore. They hadn't physically been around each other in over a month. He hadn't shown up to the Valentine's Day ball for his own reasons but they had little to no communication going on between them for weeks now. Sam knew that they were far from being in a healthy relationship but she really didn't know how to fix things at this point.

Just as she said in the chat room, Sam got off her laptop, grabbed a gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream, and changed into her pajamas which consisted of one of Ryan's old shirts and a pair of short shorts. She flopped down on her bed and cuddled up under the covers with the ice cream and her unicorn pillow pet named Franklin that Ryan had gotten her a few years ago. "The Notebook" was on tv and Sam intently watched, wishing she and Ryan could figure things out between them and fix everything before it was hopeless later.

Sam wanted a love like Noah and Ali. She thought she had found that with Ryan but she was second guessing herself now. She knew love was hard, but she never imagined that their relationship would escalate into what it was now, where she never saw him and he hardly called her. The volume on the tv was so loud that you could easily hear it outside if you wanted to. Her cottage wasn't that big and sound traveled pretty easily. The scene where Noah tells Ali that love is hard came on and Sam couldn't stop herself from crying.

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day."

Tears streamed down her face from her red eyes and she didn't wipe away any of the extra tears. Her sobs were pretty loud. She knew love wasn't easy, but she didn't know how to battle the tabloids, crazy fans, and everyone else who judged her on a daily basis. Plus, if Ryan wasn't willing to fix things, nothing would happen.

She suddenly heard banging on her front door and immediately got freaked out. Sam had been so paranoid lately that someone was trying to get to her and hurt her but she decided to take a risk and opened the door to find a disheveled Ryan on the other side who was clearly drunk. "What are you doing here?" she whispered loud enough for him to hear, not entirely sure why he decided to care now instead of the past month when he had hardly spoken to her. She wasn't being mean, but she was hurt and that was pretty obvious from her red eyes from crying, the tears streaked down her face, and her raspy voice.

[ryan dean merrick]

It had been a month since the two of them had met at all. they were rarely texting and skyping due to the busy schedule of ryan's. He was mostly busy with interviews as the band was too busy doing interviews and promoting their latest album. it was a good distraction for him, he believed. distraction from Sam, from the love of his life. he did feel guilty thinking about how harsh he was being to impose a distraction onto himself to keep himself away from someone he loved so dearly but then again he was only doing this to protect her. they have had a bfake break up only to give away the mafia gang the impression that sam wasn't anymore closer to Ryan and they shouldn't try to get her to have Ryan under their claws. the plan was working out until the gossip column blasted the news about their recent meeting and a picture, which most of them people believed and somewhat even had the Mafia convinced that ther were still together. Damien had reported to Ryan that he had spotted a car trying to follow Sam but he had gotten away. Ryan couldn't risk her life anymore. He had already lost his brother & father and couldn't lose someone else over his foolish mistake. Loving Sam was a mistake, it meant he was dragging her into a trap that Ryan couldn't get himself out ever since he had become famous and lost his father & brother.
Tonight was a Choas for Ryan. He was fooled and gotten drunk by Chester who exchanged Ryan's beer with alcohol and gotten him drunk. he found it too hard to keep in his senses and had rudely talked to Sam who told him that she was through with him and broke up with him. he couldn't bear that. he was drunk yet the pain was killing him. he wanted to talk to her and settle down everything. He pulled on his clothes and left the house. Got into his car and was racing his car to Sam's place. He was drunk driving and it was reckless but he didn't care. If he couldn't have her, he rather die. He got there and banged the door. He was impatience and wild. As the door flung open, he saw her. there were tears in her eyes and he had his eyes filled with tears and alcohol on his breathe. she was screaming at him and his heart was racing against his chest. I-s-s-sam.. he opened his mouth and then quickly stepped in, shutting the door behind him and pushing her against the wall and leaning against. they were close, so close. how.. how could you even think of b-breaking up w-with me w-when all I have been trying t-to do i-is only t-t-to keep you protected? Do you even realize how hard it has been for me? I have seen my dad and my brother get killed right in front of my eyes and I have been dying with that guilt every day.. I can't.. I-j-just can't afford to lose you only my silly mistake.. you hear me? he said loudly enough, crying at the same time. He stepped back, wrapping his hands behind his neck and crying then smashing his hand hard onto the wall. do you even know how it feel to lose someone so close to you and then live with the guilt of it for the rest of your life? & then see the same thing happen but you're trying to make every effort to stop it, fighting it everyday.. while you're dying from the inside? he was saying everything he had been holding within himself for years now. he was a miserable person within. no you don't! he held her hand tightly and pushed her against the wall, violently, his face turning red with anger. you can't leave me.. because.. i can't live without you his voice was soft, his grip loosened and he leaned over, pressing his lips against hers, hardly at first then deepening it, softly and passionately. he was wild tonight, a side that was hidden within him for a long time and alcohol was bringing it out... was it the right thing or had he blown everything up again?

notes: okay not lying
but i cried writing this </3

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[samantha marie mackenna]

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As soon as Sam saw Ryan, she knew something was wrong. He was obviously drunk and angry from what she had said in the chat room and she didn't really know what to expect. When he could hardly say her name, it was made obvious to her that something was definitely wrong and she prepared herself for the worst.

She definitely didn't expect Ryan to just come inside the way he did and she was even more surprised when he pushed her against the wall. She could smell the alcohol on his breath and at first had to close her eyes because it gave her a headache. Sam could feel more tears in her eyes as she opened her eyes and stared into his. She saw the hurt she knew he was feeling, the confusion, and the anger. It worried her.

"Ry..." she said, trying to interrupt him, but he continued on about his father and brother. She felt herself start to sob when he finally said what happened to them. Sam had known they existed but was never told what actually happened until now. She nodded, listening to him talk. "I know, Ry. You're just trying to keep me safe. I know." If this is what it took for Ryan to finally let her in, she'd take him yelling at her and being up in her face like this. "You're never going to lose me, Ryan. I promise." Sam knew she would do everything in her power to prevent her parents from causing any problems in her life and her relationship with Ryan.

Watching him wrap his hands behind his neck was pure torture, but seeing him smash his hand onto the wall was even worse. She didn't stop crying as she watched him struggle with everything he was feeling and she didn't know what to do to help. All she could do was nod when he asked her if she knew how it felt. She didn't. But she could only imagine how she would feel if Ryan was gone forever from her life. She would be dead inside.

When he pushed her against the wall roughly, she clenched her jaw and let him. She knew if she said anything right now he could flip out and she didn't want him to get angrier. Sam had never seen him like this and was really confused. She tried to figure out what to do to calm him down and didn't get that far because he was so angry at her and she didn't know what to do. It was completely obvious that she was afraid. She didn't know what to expect from this chaotic version of Ryan.

When Ryan's lips met hers, she could feel his tension start to dissipate and was glad he was finally starting to calm down a little bit. She put her fingers in his hair and gently massaged his scalp because she knew it would calm him down a little more. Breaking the kiss, she rested her forehead against his and whispered, "I'm not leaving you, Ryan. You're my world too." Life without Ryan was unimaginable. He had always been there for her and deep inside herself, she knew he would be there for the rest of her life. She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against his, breathing deeply as she tried to calm herself down from Ryan's outbreak.

It suddenly dawned on Sam that Ryan's hand was probably injured when he punched her wall so she quickly took his hand and examined it. "You'll have such a huge bruise on this tomorrow, Ry." She took his wrist and gently pulled him along to her kitchen, grabbing an ice pack from the freezer. She sat on the counter top and took his hand, holding the ice pack to it and checking to make sure there was no more damage. Their faces were pretty much level at this point but Sam was looking down examining his hand instead of paying attention to his facial expressions.

[ryan dean merrick]

Ryan had never behaved this way with anyone before. Alcohol helped to bring the worst out of him. there were several reasons as to why he was going through such a hard time. The true story behind this was his dad and brother's murder. His father was a policeman who had busted a group of mafia for drugs and taken in their men with drugs worth billions. it was a big blow to them and they wanted revenge but when they heard that Ryan was the son of the policeman and getting rich as a singer, so they decided to use him. they told him if he didn't pay them the amount of money worth the drugs that his dad has taken into his custody then they could bring serious harm to his dad. Ryan told his dad about it who told him to agree with the plan and play along to get to them and his dad will have them arrested through their own plan. Ryan agreed and played along but last minute the plan was ruined as the mafia gang were clever enough and had kidnapped Ryan's younger brother. without any backup, ryan and his ran dad run to the spot they were asked to bring the money. Ryan could have easily brought his brother back but his dad decided to be heroic and attacked them with shots, to which he was outnumbered and shot in several places. Ryan had begged them to let go of his relative and he would pay them each penny but they said that Ryan had betrayed them and he needed to learn a lesson, to which they killed his dad in front of his eyes and demanded for money for his younger brother. As he gave away the money, they did let go of his younger brother but he was strangled to death by the time Ryan found him. His world had come to an end but he had to be strong for his mother. when she heard the news of the death, she had tripped from the staircase and fallen into coma for five months. the doctor said she might die however she survived and ryan decided not to shock her further as to how his dad and brother were murdered. instead, he cooked up a story that they were in a gruesome accident and she believed it. from then on wards, this was the story he told everyone whereas the truth was hidden deeply inside him that tormented him every now and then. The mafia gang had turned him into their permanent target and would always threaten him to give them money or they would do the same with his mother, too scared to lose her he'd easily give away whatever they wanted. half of his wealth was supporting the mafia gang's illegal activities and he hated it but was too ashamed to admit it. he didn't wanted sam to be put in the same shoe as his close relatives so he had maintained his distance. one thing he was sure of was that his band could never be effected by this because the boys had strong security. word by word he narrated to her the whole story, crying his heart out. so now you know why I wanted to keep you protected and away from me? I'm a fucking mess and i don't want you to be hurt.. or i'd lose myself'' he cried. how could you even think of leaving me despite all this? he said bitterly pushing her against the wall and kissing her forcibly at first but then passionately. He was releaved when she kissed him back. He hands messaging the back of his head as he deepend the kiss and she told him that she would never leave him. she loved him. i love you.. too.. so much he said, pulling away and placing his head next to hers and then leaning in again to steal another soft kiss.
He had banged his hand against the wall and the pain of it was reminded to him only when she mentioned about his hand and took him into the kitchen. He watched her every move and carefully observed the affectionate actions and loving feelings. it was driving him crazy. his focus was now onto her curves and he couldn't help but stare at her, continuously. as she stopped healing his hand, he pulled her closer and quickly picked her up. keeping her close, he kissed her again but this time hungrily and his eyes filled with fire, lust and yet the kiss was passionate. he threw her onto the bed and climbed onto her and kissed her neck, and reached her ears where he whispered i want you so badly he said and continued kissing her. he stopped, pulled his shirt off and returned back to kissing her, pinning her back to the bed beneath him. the bed was about to get on fire...

notes: hot hot hot ryan is so hardd to handle

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[samantha marie mackenna]

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She listened intently as Ryan explained everything. Sam couldn't believe he had finally broke his wall down and told her everything that was happening to him. She knew something was wrong but could never figure out exactly what was wrong. "I don't care how messed up you think you are, Ryan. You're not messed up at all and I'll always be here for you, no matter how dangerous it is for me to be with you. It's you and me, babe. We're a team." She held his hand and rubbed her fingers gently on his palm to try to relax him. "I'm not leaving. This was the only way for you to really tell me what was wrong." It was almost impossible for them to stay mad at each other forever so if this was the only thing that got him to talk, so be it.

Sam knew she'd have a decent sized bruise on her back from the amount of times he pushed her against the wall, but she'd deal with that later. She was completely distracted by the amount of kisses Ryan was stealing; what had gotten into him? Maybe this is what would always happen when Ryan drank alcohol. She let out a small yelp when he picked her up because she was so shocked by his actions. "What has gotten into him?" she wondered as he kissed her, trying her best to kiss him back and still try to figure him out at the same time.

Sam could feel a few hickeys forming on her neck and sighed from the sensation. She couldn't help but giggle when he took his shirt off and mentioned how he wanted her so badly. "Honestly, Ryan. What has gotten into you?"