a shoulder to cry on-april

[alexander declan forder]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,background-image:url(http://i52.tinypic.com/otj5sn.jpg); width: 390px; height: 450px; -moz-border-radius: 40px 0px 40px 0px; border-radius:40px 0px 40px 0px; opacity: 0.8; border-right: #7298ac 15px solid; border-left: #7298ac 15px solid;] Alex had another long day at work, mostly arguing with Blair, the relationship between the two of them was so strange that even he could not explain it. He hated her but literally whenever they got into an argument it got so heated and they ended up sleeping together. it wasn’t great….well maybe the sex was but that could be because everything got so heated…he had to admit that the sex was good though because there was no way he could deny that. He was just dating around at the moment and didn’t really have a girlfriend as such. Not that he didn’t want one, but sometimes relationships were more of a hassle than they were good it seemed. Like his friend Riley had been dating his girlfriend for a while and they were always fighting, the fact that he was dating around meant that he didn’t have to get too involved and didn’t have to get into heated arguments with someone he was actually involved with. It made so much more sense than anything else, plus he didn’t have to worry about having to move in with anyone when he was pretty much content with his best friend April. He had known April for a really long time. She was his oldest friend, along with Riley. He had chosen to live with her because he’d gotten worried about her after she had heard that her husband got killed at war, something no wife ever wants to hear, but of course it does happen. He had to be supportive towards her and of course he was really worried about her. He didn’t think she would do anything stupid but he just wanted to be there for her. He wanted her to know that he would always be there for her. He knew he was coming home late, but he had been planning a top event and April said she would make dinner. He did not want her to go all out though and he’d told her to be cool about it and not make anything too extravagant. He liked her cooking but also he secretly liked cooking too, not that he was as good at it like she was. April was exceptional at most things in his opinion, but then again he was bound to say that being her best friend and all, but he still believed it to be true, it didn’t matter what anyone else said. He arrived home and called her name April. I am home? he didn’t hear a reply so he stepped inside the apartment and looked around. he found her sitting on the sofa looking rather pale, confused and overwhelmed. He put his bag on the floor in the corner and went to sit next to her. Hey, hey….are you okay? he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. she could explain what was wrong in a minute but right now he wanted to comfort her and just hold her. She looked as though she had seen a ghost!

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made by hay shay @ caution!

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[april eloise everdeenie]

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AND NEVER KNOWING WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN
AND NOT SEEING THAT LOVING YOU IS ALL I WAS TRYNA DO

April wasn't a girl people looked at and though she was tough but after going through the last three years she was starting to believe was due a little more credit than some people gave her. Sure she completely broke down when she first found out Jasper was dead but he was the love of her life, her soul mate, the person she had planned a whole life time with so of course that lifetime together being cut short was going to break her. And did she break, locking herself in the house she had once shared with him, refusing to leave, refusing to eat, refusing to sleep, refusing to see everyone. She had locked everyone out, her whole family and Jasper's -something she felt terrible about now she was of sane mind again, and something she tried to make up for every chance she got- she had completely closed herself off. Even when people made it into her house she was completely unresponsive. She'd stayed like this shell of a woman for 6 whole months before Alex shook her out of it, figuratively and literally, it had taken a little tough love and a lot of his support to get her from that dark place and for that she owed him everything. He'd been the one who helped her move everything she had in her home with Jasper to a storage unit on the out skirts of town because each time she saw anything that reminded her of the life she had lost it broke her all over again. He had even moved in with her to keep an eye on her in her new apartment, and to help with the rent. But now she liked to think she had toughened up a little, enough to stand on her own two feet though it was good to know Alex was there if and when she lost her footing.

That day, she had lost her footing, she'd fallen flat on her face and she had no idea what to do with herself but she refused to call Alex, she needed to wrap her head around Jasper turning up at her door, perfectly fine, alive and more perfect that in all of her dreams and memories. She needed silence and nothingness to gather herself and process everything she had seen and heard that day. She had been processing, staring at a blank wall for over 3 hours by the time the door opened and closed, followed by the familiar voice of her best friend. She was far too numb to shout back to him, she was pretty sure if she said anything aloud it would come out as a miss-mash of the racing thought in her head all at once. She let him pull her in to hold her and let herself just stay in the comfort of his arms as she built herself up to tell him about what had happened that day. "He... I opened the door and he... just" she hadn't been much good at putting sentences together since that moment she had opened the door. She closed her eyes and held her breath a second as she organised what she was going to say again in a second attempt to get what she was trying to tell him "Jasper's alive. He... he was here. He was here and he was alive" he was the first time she had said the words to someone that she was 100% sure wasn't a figment of her imagination because she still wasn't completely convinced she hadn't just finally cracked.

Words: ish | Status: finished | Muse: meh | Notes: shes a wreck

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[alexander declan forder]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,background-image:url(http://i52.tinypic.com/otj5sn.jpg); width: 390px; height: 450px; -moz-border-radius: 40px 0px 40px 0px; border-radius:40px 0px 40px 0px; opacity: 0.8; border-right: #7298ac 15px solid; border-left: #7298ac 15px solid;] Alex was coming home from a long day, and the thought of having April there for him, well not there for him as such but there to come home to made everything a whole lot better. It was just something refreshing and he didn’t want to deal with stupid little problems like Blair. He didn’t know what it was about her but she drove him crazy, in all senses. He just needed that stability that she gave him. Whenever he spoke to her and whatever she said it always made sense. She was very wise, she was his best friend and that was something that would stay that way. Of course Riley was another best friend of his but that was more of a ‘bromance’ thing that they had going on. It wasn’t the same as him and April. He had probably known April for abit longer as well; he really admired her as a person. Her husband had gone to work and was reportedly killed. He had been in the army. Although he knew that she wasn’t coping she put up a good front and made people believe that she was okay, as much as she could do, but of course he knew the truth. He wasn’t prepared for what she was about to say, what was she saying, he was alive? How could that be? He had been there when she was told that he was found dead. What did she mean? April wasn’t a liar though so she was either confused, had dreamt that she saw him…..or she really did actually see him. It could have been any of the above but in all honesty he believed the last one, he believed her when she said that he had been there, at their place. It sounded so creepy when he thought about it. He went into the kitchen to get the two of them a drink, he figured it would help her with the shock and try and calm her down. He got himself a non alcoholic drink and came back into the living area and sat back down, handing her the drink seems like you need this he said to her with a knowing smile. He didn’t even have to question it, he would just do it, that was what their friendship was all about. It had been that way for years and always would be. okay tell me exactly what happened he told her. He wanted to know what happened so he could get his head around it. If this was some kind of sick joke someone was playing then it wasn’t very funny. Everyone should know that you shouldn’t mess around pretending to be the dead. However, why would he pretend that he had been dead? It made no sense Where is he now? he asked her. Maybe he should pay a visit to him to see what his intentions were with April, because this was clearly an overload. She seemed to be so confused and not knowing what to do.

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made by hay shay @ caution!

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[april eloise everdeenie]

[div style="background-image:url(http://fotos.fotoflexer.com/f608e378a3548addea2258ae347ec865.jpg); height: 285; width: 350; font-size: 0; background: -moz-linear-gradient(bottom, #d5d2d2, rgba(255,255,255,0), rgba(0,0,0,0)), url(http://fotos.fotoflexer.com/f8bd9ff54ea1cdb11d673a377c5fb510.jpg);[br"]-webkit-mask-image: -webkit-gradient(linear, left top, left bottom, from(rgba(0,0,1,1)), to(rgba(0,0,0,0)));]hi

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AND NEVER KNOWING WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN
AND NOT SEEING THAT LOVING YOU IS ALL I WAS TRYNA DO

Though April had initially said she didn't need Alex to come live with her, that he didn't have to do that the whole time she had been so grateful, it took a lot of the feelings of being completely alone away having him in the next room, having someone she could cook for and someone to sit and watch TV with and other small, silly little things you don't realize you're going to miss until the person you did all of that for and with before is gone. She was glad he had seen through all of her 'I'm fines' and 'you don't need to do that for me's' because none of them had been true, even her 'I'm fines' now weren't completely true but she was as good as she was going to be so that counted. She was good at playing the part of being moved on, she made out that she was happy, that she was okay, that she didn't miss her husband every second of every day and she did a convincing job at it but under it all she was still beyond broke, she had just found a way to get on with her life despite it. Having Alex to come home to was a relief though, and even when he worked late she relied on the fact that there was always going to be him there to talk to if she needed him, and there was someone there to wake up at stupid hours of the early morning when she'd woke from a bad dream. Back when he first moved in, it hadn't been a rare thing for him to come in and shake her away because she was stuck in a bad dream, normally about how she imagined Jasper and his brother dying. She'd cry into his shoulder for hours and he was always there for her and always patient with her, even at 3:30 in the morning.

That day had been a surreal one, she'd had to pinch herself numerous times just to check she wasn't dreaming again though she didn't want to wake up even if it was a dream. She knew in her heart of hearts that what she had seen that afternoon wasn't her going crazy, she hadn't been seeing things, she'd felt him, held onto him so tight and taken in everything about him, there wasn't anything out of place on him, he was exactly as he had been in reality and her brain had never been able to replicate that so it couldn't have all just been in her head. That was sure of after 3 hours of thinking to herself and after him being there and talking to her, telling her where he had been, how much he missed her and what that meant now. It was all really and she just needed to figure out what to do with herself now.

The blonde took a long gulp of the drink as Alex put it in her hand, he was right, she needed something to calm her nerves and her head because it had been wizzing around so fast she was starting to get a headache. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose with her free hand in an attempt to slow her train of thought enough to make words and thoughts into actual understandable sentences. She also took another gulp of drink, the combination of which seemed to work, at least a little. "I was just tidying around the house... same as every morning" she was a bit of a neat freak so tidying was like her morning ritual, "There was a knock at the door and... and he was just stood there..." she sighed at the though of what she did next "I thought I was going completely mad or something so I just slammed the door on him but he was still there when I opened it again" she had what looked like traces of a smile on her face as she recalled this aloud, it was a little funny looking back though she doubted Jasper thought so at the time. "And then he came in, we sat here, he told me he's been in Ireland, all this time he'd been in hiding, under witness protection or something like that. And not aloud to contact anyone." she recalled, of course Jasper's telling of this information had been much more in depth, he'd explained it much more carefully but April was just reeling this of as facts, partly just for herself to hear them as well as to catch Alex up. "He umm, he said he'd leave me to... I don't know? Adjust to it all and be back tomorrow. I think he wen't to his parents." not that leaving her to adjust had done her much good, she still hadn't figured it out.

Words: ish | Status: finished | Muse: meh | Notes: shes a wreck

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[alexander declan forder]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=style, background-color:#555555; width:400px; padding:15px; border: 15px solid #111111; border-radius: 60px 0px 0px 0px;] [/style] [style=font-family:CENTURY GOTHIC; font-color:#111111; font-size:20px; text-align:center; line-height:120%; letter-spacing:4px; align: center;]LIGHTS WILL GUIDE YOU HOME

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AND IGNITE YOUR BONES

- - - - AND I WILL TRY TO FIX YOU

Alex was still trying to get his head round him still being around and actually being alive. He just couldn’t believe it because he didn’t get why he wouldn’t tell her. Surely if he was going to tell someone he would tell her right? He hadn’t even told her though so he just couldn’t understand it, why had he done this to her? He felt so angry towards him, but he knew for April’s sake that it wasn’t the way to go. How….I just…. he shook his head, he was finding this all very hard to deal with and he couldn’t imagine how she was coping with it all if he was finding it hard. He had been his friend, they had gotten along really well and his death to him had come as a shock, but he was protecting April the whole time and trying to deal with everything herself.

He still listened to her though and nodded as she went along, the drink must have taken the edge off everything and helped her because she wasn’t as shaky, but she was still VERY shaky. He wanted to do everything that could help her, he needed to be there for her and comfort her. She needed her friends around her right now, it was the best thing for her, the only thing for her. He shook his head I can’t believe he has done this to you, put you through all of this he said bitterly, he shook his head in disbelief. I’m sorry, I just…..well you know he said, looking at her with a weak smile. He really didn’t know what else he could say. It was all so messed up he couldn’t even begin to think of it. It could all have been prevented somehow, surely. Someone had gotten something wrong along the way, when he was pronounced dead.

I just don’t get how he couldn’t just tell you where he was still he said You were the one person who he should have been honest with he was trying really hard not to show his anger but he was really finding it difficult, really difficult. He just couldn’t help it, what was he suppose to do? Sit there and listen to her then do nothing? He had to do something to help her. He wanted to help her through all of this, he needed to. She said he was planning to go to his parents and he smiled weakly. So how do you feel about it all, I won’t ask how you are coping with it all because that is apparent.

tagged .

[/b] tarnie/april words .[/b]435
notes .[/b] sorry its lame, but at least a shorter reply is easier![/color]

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this lovely template was made by Arro from Caution 2.0 and features lyrics belonging to the oh so amazing Coldplay. please leave all of this credit stuff in tact and leave a link for Miss Roro here if you are going to be using this anywhere. Thank you, loves!

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[april eloise everdeenie]

[div style="background-image:url(http://fotos.fotoflexer.com/f608e378a3548addea2258ae347ec865.jpg); height: 285; width: 350; font-size: 0; background: -moz-linear-gradient(bottom, #d5d2d2, rgba(255,255,255,0), rgba(0,0,0,0)), url(http://fotos.fotoflexer.com/f8bd9ff54ea1cdb11d673a377c5fb510.jpg);[br"]-webkit-mask-image: -webkit-gradient(linear, left top, left bottom, from(rgba(0,0,1,1)), to(rgba(0,0,0,0)));]hi

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AND NEVER KNOWING WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN
AND NOT SEEING THAT LOVING YOU IS ALL I WAS TRYNA DO

April had had an impossible time wrapping her head around the whole thing but had she not been there herself, seen him with her own eyes, felt the touch of his skin on hers, taken in that all too familiar smell of him, she never would have believed it. She was still having trouble believing even with all of that because after 3 years of thinking, believing and coping with the fact he was dead she was now being told, and shown, that wasn't the case. Anyone would take time to adjust. She was at a complete loss in every direction, she didn't know what she should do, how was she supposed to be with him now? It would have been just perfect if they could just go back to how they were before but it wasn't going to be that easy, they still had so much to talk about, to cover, a lot could happen in 3 years on both sides, not much had changed in her life despite her trying to move on with it. She was still the same person, just a little less bubbly and a little broken under all of the personality she'd always had. That should all change though. Eventually.

A gallon of whiskey couldn't have taken away how shaken up she was but what she'd had at least took a little of the edge off, helped calm her mind a little, or enough to get a comprehendalbe sentence out of her. Aprils soft and confused face hardened a little as Alex reacted to her and she turned to look at him from the blank spot on the floor she had been staring at "This isn't his fault Alex." there was no doubt that under all of the confusion there was a mix of so many more emotions and one of them was certainly anger but it wasn't aimed at Jasper, she had no idea where it was supposed to be directed, just at the whole situation but she wasn't mad at her husband, she couldn't be after she saw the agony in his eyes as he explained everything, that pleading in his voice for her to believe if he had another way he would have taken it. "It's... It's more complicated than that." she got that much but she couldn't quite explain how herself. "If he could have come back, could have contacted me, sent me any kind of sign he was still alive, he would have. I knew that before he even said a word, Alex. I... We... He wouldn't leave me like that unless there had been no other option." there wasn't an ounce of doubt in her voice because there wasn't an ounce of doubt in her about who Jasper was and the way he felt about her and their marriage. As much as he may try to understand, Alex didn't understand what she and Jasper had and she doubted he ever would.

She took another gulp of her quickly emptying drink "I... I don't know why but he couldn't, no one could know he was alive because anyone, even my knowing could have cost him his life. Like I said, it's all complicated and political and stuff" that was another thing she was still pretty lost on, how could someone have wanted her Jasper dead so bad that he had to be in hiding for so long. She went quite at his next question and took another, last gulp of the drink before she placed the empty glass on the table "I... I don't know how I feel, there's too many conflicting thoughts and everything to focus on just one. But... I'm glad he's back, that he's safe..." just thinking about it all her feelings started to tangle up again in a confusing knot "Talk about something else. Anything else. That annoying girl you work with? Anything. I just need... I don't know? Normality, at least for a little while." she almost begged, that was enough confusing talk for now. She needed something to bring he back to reality she understood, normal everyday reality she was accustomed to.

Words: ish | Status: finished | Muse: meh | Notes: shes a wreck

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