i hate this...

[vanessa reese sawyer]

i feel like you should know this, because i owe you this much. so anyway, as most of you know i have been living with my boyfriend, and i am starting to think its the worse decision i ever made not because of my boyfriend because we love each other and such our relationship in that way is great, but because of his demanding family. here's the deal, we have the cars and such, i get it that we need to help out but they push it to the limit, they pay some of the gas but not all because we need it to go to school but basically we are their taxi's. i refuse to use my car because they don't pay any of my gas even if i use my car (assholes they paid once or twice...) but we are their arrant people, we dont have a day off because they always have something for us to do, like go grocery (ALMOST EVERYDAY) to bring like three almost empty bags that dont even are that heavy to a supermarket that is like 5 minutes away... fucking pointless... then to pick up his sister, also like 10 or so minutes away (when i was her age i did that everyday and i dont complain... even with fucking rain... why does she have the fucking special threatmaent? idk but fuck it, she is a kid i dont mind going to pick her up when its raining), go somewhere to pick up someone, or you know. its tiring because even when its a good day we cant be alone, sometimes we even have to not do what we were going to do because we have to do something and he cant even say that he has something to do because they just come in and accuse us of being not humble. that just tick me off to the max... they dont even thank us for doing all of that stuff for them. it pisses me off, i feel like i am like rambling and making this totally confusing and just too dramatic. i dont know if i should be here or not... but we are trying to save for our future because like this... its fucking impossible.

ohh another thing, even our homework, they prefer that we do what they need than what we are supposed to do?!!!!! fucking people. i swear one day i'll brust and they will all be on my hit list. i'll fucking put them in the god damn hunger games. seriously rn if they were there i would laugh.... LIKE seriously. i am furious. i am hurt. i am just dying to get out of here... pondering to go to my parents house and just stay there. who the hell has the morals to talk to me they way they do? not them... they judge me too much, yeah i am fucking lazy... so what? deal with it. i like to spend my afternoons in bed roleplaying... fucking mind your own business... i dont give a fuck about you, i dont fucking need you... and once you will need me even more and i will show you the fucking finger because thats what you deserve. fucking hell. this is unbarable and i think i might regret somethings i might do in the future... but oh well... you woke up the lion...

so this is the reason why i havent been roleplaying and such, my muse has been dead because of the stress. don't be mad, i am not ditching and its not like i dont want to roleplay with you or anything, its just that my muse is dead cause all of this drama and rage inside of me. |: just be patient and i will make your replies. i am sorry, you guys you know i love you sooo much and i would never abandon you... ever.

xoxo paula.

ps. thanks for reading the whole thing, btw. (well if you did.)

[serena rae parker]

Aw, Paula, that sounds so awful! *hugs* Even if I don't know you that well, you are more than welcome to PM me if you ever want to talk. <3

[april eloise everdeenie]

All my Love and huggled... and a few chill pills since it sounds like you could do with some, I know I would! I hope things get better my love you know where we all are if you need to talk <3

[stephanie jessi guillaume]

thanks guys, you are the best. <3 you make my life so much better, you have noo idea. (:

[pearl iris jones]

paula, i seriously read this all and it's breaking my heart to hear you're going through this. i lovelovelove you and no one should treat you like that! just know you're loved here, <3 i always say i miss you in the cbox but you're never around. I MISS YOU </3 take your time with threads and i know what you mean by dead muse >.>

i hope everything improves with time <3 if you need someone to talk to, you know i'm here c:

[veronica louise bennett]

thanks momo i love you too and i miss you tooo LOTS AND LOTS. <3333

well i have some muse at times... but when i have it i dont have the freaking time to write it...
thats what pisses me off the most D:

<3 <3